So your son has announced that he's going to marry that woman.
You know he'll be making the biggest mistake of his life.
For a daughter-in-law even Lady Macbeth deserves better.
And even a Henry the Eighth should be spared such a wife.
So before you begin to arrange the rehearsal dinner
From cocktails to capons to chocolate-covered mints,
You intend (without being critical) to (diplomatically) offer him
Just a few words of advice, just a few helpful hints.
So your daughter is leaving a job with an excellent future.
She's pulling up roots and she's moving out West to create,
Unencumbered by furtniture, money, or health insurance.
This is surely a game plan any sane person would hate.
So before she trades in her office and East Side apartment
For wind chimes, a futon, and maybe some cactus prints,
You intend (without seeming skeptical) to (quite respectfully) offer her
Just a few words of advice, just a few helpful hints.
So the parents of your new grandchild are spoiling him rotten.
He's never heard "no" or "say please" or "don't do that again."
It looks like he's worn the same shirt from last May through November.
It looks like he's going to breast-feed until he is ten.
So before his mother and father are too late to stop him
From growing up to be someone who'll make the world wince,
You intend (without sounding horrified) to (very tactfuly) offer them
Just a few words of advice, just a few helpful hints.
So our daughters and sons and their spouses are no longer children.
They reach their decisions without ever calling us first.
They often unreasonably tend to look on the bright side,
While we're always asking ourselves, What if worse comes to worst?
So before they do something too fatal we will rush in with
Anyting from a big hug to check to a blintz,
In addition to which we'll continue to (oh-so-unintrusively) offer them
Just a few words of advice, just a few helpful hints.