A shrewd friend of mine is persuaded
We'd help everybody in need
If we were assured we would lose a pound
Each time we performed a good deed.
How swiftly we'd rush to contribute,
How eagerly we'd volunteer,
If giving to others could guarantee
That our waistlines would reappear.
We'd eat, without fear of reprisals,
The foods our scales used to forbid,
Knowing the flab would dissolve from our hips
As soon as we tutored a kid,
Or worked to save owls, whales, or forests,
Or read to the sick or the blind.
Spurred by the motto "The larger the heart,
The smaller will be the behind,"
We'd raise funds to shelter the homeless,
Or cure some disease, or stop war.
Seeing our silhouettes narrowing down,
We'd yearn to do more, and still more,
Delighted to make the world better
While also achieving thin thighs.
All of us folks who've been watching our weight
Would be easy to mobilize
And turn into daily do-gooders
Released from a diet regime
And enjoying a vast sense of virtousness
Along with a lot of whipped cream.
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