Following a mix-up involving my tax return
and the National Poetry Competition, I sent
a twelve-stanza poem exploring themes of Englishness,
class and masculinity to HM Revenue & Customs.
Two months later, I received a letter.
I had made some basic miscalculations
with my dactylic hexameter, HMRC claimed,
failing to declare all my trochees.
There were also question marks surrounding
some of the imagery I had submitted,
and a request to see the original workings
upon which my metaphors were based.
What’s more, the letter added, my poem
needed to generate more of an emotional response
from the self-assessment team if I was
to claim tax relief on my pension contributions.
As a result of these errors, HMRC had enclosed
a statement indicating that I owed £5,000,
a sum I was able to pay off quickly, having recently
won the National Poetry Competition
for my entry entitled ‘Tax Return 2022’,
and which the Poetry Society described
as “stunningly original, pushing the boundaries
of what poetry is and what poetry might be”.
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