Mairead Byrne: Friends

I have ah a lot of friends. Yeah. Friends friends friends. Friends for every day of the week I guess.  I'm never stuck. On Monday I can't remember exactly but I probably did something with my friend.  On Tuesday I met my friend and we had some sort of zingers. On Wednesday I met my friend for coffee. On Thursday I met my friend for calamari and Pinot Noir. Pretty sophisticated right.  Then on Friday (I nearly wrote Frienday) my friends stayed over and we did a streaming video thing on Saturday morning. And Sunday is a day of rest and I'm writing this (oh yeah and last Sunday I kinda went swimming with my friend).  Then tomorrow it begins all over again.

Mairead Byrne: In My Culture

In my culture it is the custom that if someone offers you something you say no, even if you want it. The person knows—if they are in your culture too—that you may well want the thing you just refused and so they offer it again.  If you are at ease with that person you refuse again and of course they offer again.  If you know the person really well or are related by blood or marriage or if they are a neighbor or the neighbor of a neighbor, then you refuse again and of course if they stand in any of those relationships to you they offer again.  And so it goes with each offer and refusal incrementally more vehement until finally at the moment of highest tension the sun bursts from behind the cloud and you say Yes!  And the tea is poured or the wad of money pressed into the palm or you get into the car.  It would be devastating if, after the third or fourth exchange, one or other person said Oh okay.  It would be like a death or as if the top of a mountain were removed or as if there were no air.  In my new culture no-one offers me anything and if they did I would of course refuse and of course they would accept that and of course I would not get anything ho-hum because they would not offer again.  No-one knows how to get to the place of agreement and how many times to go round before meeting there.  I feel as if I am alone in the center of a maze, high boxwood hedge all round and in the air barely apprehensible snatches of the voices of a family in the distance having a picnic on the level ground at the bottom of the rolling lawn at the back of their majestic house.

Mairead Byrne: Programmable Thermostat

I'm hot.
I turn the heat down.
Now I'm cold.
I turn the heat up.
We're going out.
I turn the heat down.
We're back.
I turn the heat up.
We're off to bed.
I turn the heat off.
It's 6am.
I turn the heat on so it's warm
when Clio gets up.

Mairead Byrne: Real Life

Instead of the heart-broken person I could be,
I am here today,
quite happy.

Mairead Byrne: News Alert: Economy Now to Be Spelled Ec_n_my

Breaking News Alert
Friday, August 5, 2011 -- 8:37 AM EDT
-----
U.S. Economy Now to Be Spelled Ec_n_my.
Following on provisions made in the historic Debt Ceiling agreement, the U.S. economy will now be referred to as the U.S. ec_n_my.
The cuts have been made largely because they are possible. "While these cuts are painful," said a spokesperson, "the economy can actually function without the lette

r 'o', especially in speech."
Print publications and media have been granted a one-day moratorium on the cuts, which become mandatory at midnight August 5th.
The cuts are believed to be permanent though, in the introductory phase, spaces will be preserved as a bridge to facilitate the transition. By December 31, 2011, the economy will be the "ecnmy."
And in time, further cuts may be necessary, the spokesperson added,"though probably not the letter 'e.'"

Mairead Byrne: Tokenism

One thing I don't really get is when feminists or I'm not really a feminist buts repudiate tokenism + pour scorn on it + reject it + dismiss it + push it aside. I want to be a token. I want to be the token woman on your committee. I am great at being a woman; I'm sure I could be a token if I tried. Does it involve jewelry? Or gifts? Never mind. I want to be your token woman winner. I want to win t

he token woman prize. I'll be the best damn token you have ever seen. A real heavy paper-weight of an embossed of a sealing-wax of a 100% cotton rag pH neutral acid-free paper token. I'll be your signed sealed and delivered token + I'll mail myself. I'll be the token woman in your magazine or on your podium. I'll be the token woman on your list. I've got a fistful of dollars. I'll buy your token any time. I've worked like a ... woman all my life—I'll take a ride on your shiny token if it comes wafting by. Gladly. I am the subway. Happy to move away from the tracks ma'am you bet. Thrilled to step up + into the air. Charmed to be carried for a while.