Ellen Kennedy: my life is a typo

my cat has been biting my cheeks lately
she sits on my face and bites
i look at her and show her my face is sad
i say ‘look, my face is sad and it’s all your fault’
she makes a face like ‘oh’
i told my friend about my cat
she said ‘your life is pretty much a bestseller’
i thought ‘life is shit’
then i realized that most bestsellers are shit
she was right

will you pay me for living?
i’m a bestseller